


End With A Bang

by BridgetMcKennitt



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Crack, Explosions, Gen, Outer Space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-23
Updated: 2010-11-23
Packaged: 2017-10-13 08:26:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/135201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BridgetMcKennitt/pseuds/BridgetMcKennitt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fighting velociraptor-riding ninjas in space is a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it. And that somebody, is Lazenby. George Lazenby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	End With A Bang

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aris Merquoni (ArisTGD)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArisTGD/gifts).



> I went with your suggested prompt and it's a bit out there, but I hope you enjoy it. :)

He didn't mean to travel into the future. Time travel was only meant for science fiction, both book form and movie, and it was fake and utterly cheesy. For children, really. And yet here he was, in the year 3000, on board a space station orbiting around Earth. George turned away from his window and the pleasant view of Asia peeking through cloud coverage to face his handler.

"Repeat that again?" he asked, arching his eyebrow in one smooth motion.

"Planet Alecki has declared war on Earth and you're our top agent. We've seen your work and you're excellent. This is probably beneath your efforts."

George chuckled and shook his head. His work. He'd almost forgotten that the future preserved his movies. They were especially big fans of _On Her Majesty's Secret Service_ and actually thought he was a _real_ secret agent because of it.

"Indeed I am excellent, but as you're aware, I'm seventy-one years old. I'm of no use to you on the field."

His handler snapped his fingers. "We have a solution for that. Come with me."

George followed his handler out of his room and into the sterile corridor of the station. His handler began talking about how all the civilians were restricted to their rooms until further notice because of the Aleckian invasion and the soldiers were readying themselves. "They're waiting for you to lead them."

He cleared his throat. "I'm not the leading sort."

"Oh, of course, of course. The Minister of Defense will have a contingency plan in that case. She always does."

They reached the end of the corridor where his handler pushed a button on the wall and a door slid open with a whoosh. Within, a woman in a lab coat stood next to a leather chair. They stepped inside as the woman greeted them.

"Welcome Agent Lazenby. I'm Tatlo and I've been requested to help you with your task."

"Thank you, but I haven't been an agent in years." In a movie, but George was too polite to mention that.

Tatlo smiled and patted the chair. "Not a problem. Have a seat and we'll begin the rejuvenation process. It should not take too long."

George sat down in the chair and placed his hands on his lap. His handler stood near the door, arms folded over his chest, as he waited.

George called out, "I feel like a right ass, but I did not catch your name. What is it?"

His handler blinked. "Pardon my rudeness for not mentioning it earlier. My name is James. I was named after your James Bond codename."

"Ah. It's a pleasure to meet you, James." George looked towards Tatlo. "I'm sorry, but what exactly will the rejuvenation process do?"

"You had concerns over your physical body in regards with the upcoming invasion and James informed me about it. The rejuvenation process will allow your physical body to regress to state it was in your former agent glory days while keeping your current mental facilities."

"I see."

Tatlo nodded. "If you are ready, I will begin the rejuvenation process now." She stepped back towards a panel that George had not seen before.

"I'm ready."

Tatlo pushed a button and whirls of sound and light surrounded him. George closed his eyes and forced himself to relax and let the machine as well as Tatlo do their work. He didn't know what anyone in the future expected of him to do with an upcoming invasion from a planet he had never heard before (and who would have ever thought that planets besides Earth could hold life, let alone anything else he'd learned since arriving in the future), but he'd do his best. George had grown fond of this time.

Sometime later, Tatlo shook him awake. "Agent Lazenby, the procedure is over. Everything went smoothly. Would you like to see?"

Tatlo handed George a mirror and he took it. It was like staring into a photo graph or a ghost. A living, breathing ghost and he was it.

"The Minister of Defense will see you now. I've informed her of your decision for reassignment in the invasion efforts and she has a plan. I told you she would have a contingency plan."

"So you did." George swung his legs off the chair and stood up. He handed the mirror back to Tatlo. "Shall we, James?"

***

The Minister of Defense wasn't what George expected. He expected someone young, for one thing, and unfamiliar. But the Minister looked the spitting image of Dame Judi Dench, just what he remembered from the past. He couldn't believe it.

"Dame Judi?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm afraid you have me mistaken with someone else, Agent Lazenby. Now, you've mentioned to James that you don't wish to lead our army and I understand. You're an agent, one who does best with stealth and cunning. My top advisors have come up with a mission for you. You leave in two hours. James will provide you with all the information you'll need."

George should've called off the mission, he was a man of the past in a world he did not fully understand, and he was never an agent to begin with, but the eager looks on the Minister's face as well as James' face was something he didn't want to destroy.

"Sounds good to me, Minister. I promise not to disappoint."

She smiled slightly. "I have no reason to doubt otherwise."

The Minister turned away, dismissing them without another word, and both he and James left the room.

"The mission is within your range of expertise, Agent Lazenby. You will sneak aboard one of their space ships and render it ineffective." James motioned with his hand. "If you wish to explode their ships, all the better. Our sources tell us that the Aleckians have over one billion ships heading our way and our forces are merely a fraction of theirs."

George's eyes widened at James' calm description of what they were up against. "One billion?"

"Possibly more. The Aleckians began jamming our transmissions and we've lost contact with some of our people towards the other side of the solar system. None of that matters though with you here with us." James produced a data pad from seemingly out of nowhere and handed it to George. "This is all of the intel our sources have gathered."

George accepted the data pad and randomly pushed a button on it. The screen displayed the image of an Aleckian cruiser, large and sleek and wholly alien. "How will I be snuck aboard their ships?"

"Space garbage. At least a craft designed to look like space garbage. It will float past their projected trajectory and you'll be able to latch onto their ship and enter through their port hole."

It sounded outlandish, but George was used to outlandish plots. He'd been an actor, after all, and some of the movies he had been in were doozies.

"I'll study up on this until I have to ship out. It'll be like studying a movie script." George clasped James' shoulder. "I won't let you down."

***

Space garbage. He was floating in space garbage and heading towards an endless sea of Aleckian ships, ready to invade Earth and do all sorts of nasty things to it and its people. Well, that certainly wasn't going to happen. Not if he had any say in it.

Between James and the data pad, George knew the plan inside and out, and getting onto the nearest Aleckian ship was an easy task. He evaded Aleckians covered from head to toe in black as he moved towards the ship's reactor core. According to intel, it was likely located towards the back of the ship. With any amount of luck, he'd be able to drop the device he carried into the ship's core and escape just in time to catch some beautiful explosions.

As he traveled, George began to notice something odd. Some of the Aleckians were riding out on creatures that he had only seen in museums and pictures books. Some kind of dinosaur, though the exact name escaped George's mind. Something that started with a V. The dinosaurs - velociraptors, that's what they were called - had on helmets in the shape of fish bowls, to what purpose, George hadn't the faintest idea, but the foolish headgear did not detract from how frightening their claws and teeth looked. When they walked, their claws would clank against the metal floor.

Besides a billion Aleckian ships housing possibly hundreds of Aleckian soldiers, and technology much greater than Earth's own, this must be their greatest weapon. Velociraptors. It all made sense.

He thanked whoever was watching him that whatever James smeared on his body allowed him to bypass both Aleckians and velociraptors without detection.

George made it into the very last room of the ship and came face to face with the reactor core. It was a large, metallic cylinder in the center of the room and there was a strange green light emanating from it. If George listened closely, he could hear a faint hum in the air.

"Well, old boy. You practically volunteered for this mess. Now it's time for you to pay up and do this right." He reached into the pocket of his cargo pants, or what passed for cargo pants nowadays, and pulled out a bomb about the size of a large marble.

 _"There should be a panel on the reactor that leads into the core itself. Open it and toss in the bomb. Then run back to the space garbage and get out of there. The bomb is rigged to explode as soon as you get far enough away from the explosion."_

There was more to the bomb than what James mentioned, something about the flying debris of the lead ship would infect the rest of the Aleckian ships to explode, but that wasn't his main concern. This one was, delivering the bomb and escaping with his life.

And all that stood between him and the salvation of Earth and its inhabitants was an Aleckian riding a velociraptor. The Aleckian wore the same black garb of the other Aleckians. Perhaps it was a good thing he couldn't see what was beneath. Whatever it was, it wasn't human.

George smoothed his hair back and rolled his shoulders to loosen some tension. He knew what he had to do. He stepped out from the shadows.

"If it's a fight you want, you wanker, then try me on for size." George gestured at the Aleckian and put his fists up.

The Aleckian spotted him and both he and the velociraptor let out a roar before charging at George. He crouched low, bending his knees and timed it so he could throw a punch at the velociraptor's neck before pulling the Aleckian down.

The velociraptor stumbled back and George used those precious seconds to twist the Aleckian's neck until there was that distinctive _crack_ before turning his attention towards his other opponent.

This was going to be a lot trickier than some alien. Dinosaurs had claws and teeth while he had none that could compare. George pulled out a knife from his boot and brandished it at the velociraptor. "Let's dance."

It didn't take long to incapacitate the velociraptor using some of the martial arts he'd learned from when he was a young lad. When its body dropped onto the floor, George stepped over it and made his way to the reactor.

He felt along the reactor's smooth surface until he found an indentation of a panel. Opening it, George tossed the marble-sized bomb inside and slammed the panel shut. Then he ran for it.

George didn't stop running until he made it back to his space garbage and dove inside, detaching from the Aleckian ship and heading off.

As he sped towards the space station, George pressed his face against the window and watched as the lead Aleckian ship exploded and then, like a domino effect, one by one each nearby Aleckian ship began to explode.

He did it. He actually did it. George let out a hysteric laugh.

The future looked bright after all.


End file.
